Through the years I have learned that when I am intentional about establishing a time to be quiet before God—when I discipline myself to daily sit with him, taking some moments to focus my wandering mind and center it on God, then I am able to “think” more clearly about him. When I first started my prayer journey, I actually spent most of my time focusing on my own little world—on what I wanted, what I thought I could not live without. However, as I continued my journey, I found myself thinking more about what God wanted for me. I began to meditate more on God’s Word and less on my own worries. I had journeyed to a place called contemplative prayer.
It is a different place. My pilgrimage to this new dimension of prayer has not been easy for me, and it will not be for you. I found that the contemplative prayer experience is made up of times where I experienced a great and conscious closeness to God. There have been times when my praying involved eager surrenders and the prayer came easily. I just wanted to stay right there for a good while, basking in God’s presence.
I have also experienced those times when I felt as though I were a pilgrim just stumbling along the way. I wanted desperately to return to my simple, less complicated way of praying. There prayer would be more familiar and less difficult. In contrast, in this new place of prayer, I tried, I failed, and I sometimes did not want to keep going. To be honest, there were days when I read the Bible and the meditations and I wrote in my journal, but I just could not, would not get on my knees and pray. I didn’t want some elusive experience where I was not sure about God’s presence.
Of course, I could not stay in that stumbling, evasive place. So, I asked for and received forgiveness. With a determination to stay on the prayer journey no matter what I felt or did not feel, I noticed that I was feeling closer to God anyhow. I found that it is not good to think about where I was on the journey; instead, I had to celebrate the fact that I had decided to travel in the first place. During my times of prayer, I came to accept the uncertainty of God’s revelation. If God revealed himself to me, it was all right, and if he did not, my faith assured me that God was still there. I soon rested in the awareness that just thinking about him was worth my time. And as I begin to think more about God, my perspective on life began to change.
Contemplative prayer has enabled me to see my reality in relationship to God. My traveling has become less cumbersome because I am becoming more familiar with my eternal travel companion. I have found that I really like thinking about God. When I do so, my spirit is renewed and refreshed, and I gain the strength to continue the journey.